Pain. Or regret. However you call it. I wanna call that god cursed me. For sure he knows the best and cursed me for a reason but still. Sometimes it is too heavy. My shoulders are not that much strong.
No rebellion no uprising againist god. There is an uprising againist blaming myself and accept the shits as is. But just NO a big N O for uprising againist god.
As well as a song says that “he never gives us the weights that we cant hold”. But god never gives us a hope or a chance directly. If you pray for money he doesnt give you right away he gives you to way to earn it.
Maybe wtf is going on in my life is this. He doesnt give me relax, confort now to understand in the future how valuable is this 2 words.
Or maybe i am totally crazy. Finally i lost my mind.
I dont even know if i am alive or not or even i am exist. I am living. as is. Too complete my mission in the world.
God knows. But I dont…